Breaking: The War on Vaginas

Cheetolini inspires legions to attempt control of baby cannons everywhere

Human rights, meet Agent Orange

On January 21st, 2017 Captain Diaperpants was inaugurated as Presidential Apprentice following which the internet – and our dear planet – has erupted in a giant ball of fire.

We have a team of neo-fascists at the helm of America doing whatever they damned please with no regards for the law.

Habanero Hitler and his Troop of Trifling Troglodytes are convinced we have no need for such things as the EPA, free speech, and equal rights for all.

Cheeto Jesus flew in on Hair Force One and wants you to believe real news is fake and his words are alternate facts lies.

Hurricane Donald has hit the land of the free and though his enthusiasm seems to be waning he’s inflicting more damage than we ever thought possible in a mere TWO WEEKS ONE MONTH in office.

And so I cry

I haven’t cried in months but tonight… Tonight I cried.

I cried because the reign of Hair Hitler is one giant trigger and I can’t not cry anymore.

I cried because Texas lawmakers want to charge women and providers with murder because “jail time for abortions would force women to be more personally responsible for their sexual behavior”.

I’m plenty responsible for * my own * sexual behavior!  Mkay?  Or shall I draw you a picture?

I cried because Oklahoma courts ruled oral sex is not rape if the woman is too intoxicated to consent, regardless of DNA evidence.

I raged because another Oklahoma law maker is trying to make it illegal for abortions to be performed on a “host” without the written informed consent of the fetus’ father.

Rick Santorum has argued that sexual assault victims should “accept this horribly created” pregnancy because it is “nevertheless a gift in a very broken way” and that, when it comes down to it, a victim just has “to make the best out of a bad situation.”  That post-rape pregnancies are God’s way of saying, ‘I understand your pain and I bless you with this child to comfort you in your life ahead.

Apparently that’s “a better and mentally healthier perspective than aborting the child”.

And this is just a sampling of the love muffin wars that have dominated our news feeds.

Can you guess what I did next?

I got angry

Global warming is a real problem but Tangerine Voldemort would rather trump the law, signing a “Muslim Ban” executive order.

I got angry because instead of worrying about air pollution, drinking water, and guns PEEOTUS is at war with VAGINAS.

The only garden the Orange Asshat is interested in saving is of the Lady variety.  And by ‘saving’ I mean controlling.

Enough?

Are we ready to say enough is enough? Have we not fought hard enough?

Checking your privilege

We have fought.  We have marched.  We’ve created change to allow everyone the civil rights they deserve.

As women we have fought for the right to vote, the right to be equals, the right to choose what happens to our bodies.  We persisted for the rights of all women, regardless of race or religion.

Same-sex marriages are now legally recognized and parents aren’t forced to adopt their own children.  Trans men & women can use whichever washroom they see fit without having to prove their gender to the pee-pee police.  * Edited to add: Actually, never mind.  I swear this article becomes more and more irrelevant by the day as new executive orders and repeals creep up.

We are here because we fought and I’ll be damned if I’ll sit back and watch democracy, decency, and humanity roll backwards.

I am a proud Franco-Ontarian.  French Canadians fought for the right to go to school in French or in English, for the right to be served in the official language of our choice.

When they tried to close the only French-teaching hospital west of Quebec we fought to not only save the hospital but also to protect minority rights for all Canadians.

Humanity must move forward

We * are * privileged, and we haven’t fought the good fight for this long to let people like Trumpelstiltskin come in and steal it from us.

Instead we must commit.

Commit to using this privilege to effect positive change.

Doesn’t everyone deserve to know this privilege?

This stops now, or Darth Hater will have more than just angry pussies to worry about.

Speak up.  Speak out.  Resist.

Do not conform and assimilate.  Do not ignore the silencing of those whose voices can’t be heard.

When history lessons will teach of the Big Cheeto 45th president and how he was taken down by Teen Vogue and GQ, how the revolution was led by park rangers and scientists…  When dissertations are written on this topic, how will you relive the past?

For all those times you’ve said “if I were alive when that happened I would have done…”  This is it.  This is your time, your chance.

It’s time to stand on the right side of history and fight for all we’ve fought for.

Get it together Humanity.

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