Roadtrip Dont’s – ‘Cause there are enough ‘Do’ lists out there!

Posted on Jul 30, 2013 | 1 comment

I’m sure by now you’re all sick of hearing about #Blogher13, so lets talk about the drive home, shall we?

First of all, a 12 hour drive is never 12 hours.  Be prepared for ANYTHING.

The Keurig will blow a fuze in the car – Don’t even try it.

I love coffee.  I’m going on a very long drive.  I don’t want to have to stop every 2 hours for coffee so I can stay awake.  Since I have one of those nifty power inverter thingies – you know, it plugs into the lighter and gives you 2 3-prong outlets to power whatever you need on the road? 

Yeah. ” Whatever you need on the road” minus the Keurig.  I blew 2 fuses, ’cause I wasn’t convinced after the 1st one blew.  New fuse? $4.  Time lost finding a Canadian Tire and figuring out which fuse needs to be switched out?  1/2 hour.  At least we had decent coffee in the hotel room.

The GPS doesn’t like heavy urban areas.

You don’t want to be ‘Searching for a Satellite” while lost in the ghetto at 3 am.  Bring a back up map.   This happened.  When we arrived in Chicago, and when we left.  Also in NYC last year for #blogher12.  You’d think we would have learned by now… Time lost:  another 1/2 hour.  Le sigh…

Don’t drive a tiny-ass car.  Take the van.

Swag.  Need I say more?  “The car is more efficient on gas!  Sure, we can all squeeze in there!”

  #blogher13 car from side           swag trunk of car

Do as I say, not as I do.  Check out this picture.  In case you’re wondering, that’s the tiny spot I had to squeeze myself in.  My big arse in a tiny-ass car.  Take the van.

#blogher13 Hobbit hole

Do not order a bean burrito at the start of the road trip.

Or… anytime during a road trip. I’m sure it wasn’t me – couldn’t have been, I swear! –  but ducks were quacking in the seat and it smelled like someone’s cat died in our luggage.  Have the apple; no need to thank me, you’re welcome.

Do NOT pick up hitchhikers near Thumb Correctional Facility in Michigan.

Don’t pick up hitchhikers – ever – but specially in Michigan near the border.  Huge sign on the road – wonder how many escapees before they renamed the place ‘Thumb’ ?

hitchhikers

Let’s just say we made sure the doors were locked.  We may have also shared some campfire horror stories involving hitchhikers.  Don’t do that either.

Don’t let Ann find the exit.

It’s not going to happen.

Always check the gas when going for pee breaks.

We switched around 3 am as I didn’t want to fall asleep on the road; for some reason I didn’t have the steady supply of caffeine I had counted on.

We still had a 1/4 tank of gas.  I promptly slumbered in my hobbit hole at the back and woke up to Jen & Ann screaming we had no gas.

Not all pit stops are created equal.

Jen managed to get us off the 416 and into the lot of a service station.  A huge feat considering we were running on fumes, about 15 minutes away from home.  Lucky for us, this gas station was in a rural area and only opened at 9am.  It was currently 5 am.

As any self-respecting blogger would, we took to Twitter with the #3strandedbloggers tag.

And then some of us had to pee… #3strandedbloggerspeeinginabush

“Careful what you wipe with when peeing in the bush – Seriously, don’t pass up the toilet paper swag #3strandedbloggerspeeinginabush”

~ @shoeboxbegone

It was late.  We were exhausted.  Hilarity set in.

“3 stranded bloggers, peeing in a bush.  Mama called the doctor and the doctor said: No more bloggers, peeing in a bush!”

Pump in the car if you must – but don’t forget to empty the pump.

Better yet, don’t leave it in your bag while driving on bumpy roads.  I reached into my bag to grab my toilet paper swag… and found that everything was wet.  The breast pump gleamed like an empty beacon, right beside the kitchen sink near the HAZMAT suit.  I packed just about everything in that bag.  Just about everything was now soaked in milk.  MOO.

Beware of cracked-out tow truck drivers.

Yay for road-side assistance, Boo for craked-out tow truck drivers.  Guy showed up an hour later and after a few shakes of a lamb’s tail announced we SHOULD have enough to get to the next gas station and ran off before finding out if the car started up or not.

It didn’t.

” #3strandedbloggers will trade lube for gas”  ~ @shoeboxbegone

Don’t bribe a police office with lube

With Trojan being an expo hall sponsor we had about 8 bottles of lube in the car.   Apparently a lone car in a deserted gas station at 6am is slightly suspicious, so a kind officer stopped by to see if we were OK.  I’m not saying we tried to make funny with him.  Okay, we tried to make funny with him.

Thankfully he had a great sense of humour – and a kind spirit – and helped us out.

#blogher13 office to the rescue

“Ann misses the exit again – in her hometown. #kickassroadtrip #3strandedbloggers” ~ @shoeboxbegone

The most exciting 2 hours of this trip happened 5 minutes from home.

Next year I’m flying.

 

*** Thanks to @annbac9 & @genuinejen for helping me come up with a list of ‘don’t’ during our #3strandedbloggers adventure!***

 

 

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1 Comment

  1. hahaha hey at least the cop was hot. And Ann wonders why I won’t go to blogher with her. I will point her to this reminder from now on.

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