My ‘Glamorous’ Pregnancy… Adding Insult to Injury

Posted on Jul 3, 2012 | 0 comments

Bulk BarnImagine my surprise when – at 17 weeks pregnant – I still can’t keep much food down without a handful of Diclectin in my system. As much as this is perfectly normal for me, one never really gets used to all that puking.

On a recent trip to Bulk Barn to pick up supplies for Poupoune’s ‘Barbie-Princess-Sparkle’ birthday cake my pregnancy ‘glamour-level’ went up a few feet notches.

The Set-Up…

It’s a hot day, I’m pushing a stroller, and the store is not well-ventilated. After painstakingly making my way through the store to find my various supplies I queue up in line and wait my turn. Only thing is… I know I’m going to puke. It’s inevitable. And the space between cash registers is so narrow!

The cashier asks if I’m OK, if I need to sit down, if I need a bottle of water. No, No, Yes please & thank you – I think I’m going to puke!

As she leaves to retrieve the liquid gold water I can’t keep it in any longer.  I turn around and lose what’s left of my breakfast in the trash can behind me.  Violent, uncontrollable dry-heaves followed by what can only be described as the 3 sips of water I have managed to keep down so far.

The Injury

Now – I’ve had 2 c-sections.  I should be able to cough, sneeze & puke without peeing myself but apparently I’m WRONG!  So what happens?   I puke in a trash can and piss myself…. IN PUBLIC!!!!  Cocotte, the poor little thing, has a confused look on her face.  She has no idea what’s going on!  The man behind us in line?  He can’t stop laughing.  Not the discreet little chuckle you make when you find something amusing, but a full on belly-roll laugh.

What I want to tell him?  “I hope the next pregnant woman you meet vomits on your shoes you insensitive ass-jerk bastard!”   What I actually say… nothing.  Had I not just pissed myself in public I likely would have lashed out ‘diva-style’ (ninja kicks and all), but at this point I’m trying to not attract too much attention to myself.

The Insult!

I now have to do the walk of shame to the washrooms with wet pants and purple marks resembling 3-day old hickies around my eyes.  Alas, this Bulk Barn is situated IN. A. MALL.

I finish picking up my mess and ass-jerk bastard stops laughing for half a second to remind me to ‘not forget my baby’ as I’m trying to load my purchases into the stroller as quickly as I can. Remember that old cartoon where the bull has steam coming out of its ears and nose?  Yeah.  That!

Thankfully, Karma is a bitch.  It’s a small consolation but She’ll see to it that justice is rendered.

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