Breaking: Vagina Wars

Breaking: Vagina Wars

Breaking: The War on Vaginas

Cheetolini inspires legions to attempt control of baby cannons everywhere

Human rights, meet Agent Orange

On January 21st, 2017 Captain Diaperpants was inaugurated as Presidential Apprentice following which the internet – and our dear planet – has erupted in a giant ball of fire.

We have a team of neo-fascists at the helm of America doing whatever they damned please with no regards for the law.

Habanero Hitler and his Troop of Trifling Troglodytes are convinced we have no need for such things as the EPA, free speech, and equal rights for all.

Cheeto Jesus flew in on Hair Force One and wants you to believe real news is fake and his words are alternate facts lies.

Hurricane Donald has hit the land of the free and though his enthusiasm seems to be waning he’s inflicting more damage than we ever thought possible in a mere TWO WEEKS ONE MONTH in office.

And so I cry

I haven’t cried in months but tonight… Tonight I cried.

I cried because the reign of Hair Hitler is one giant trigger and I can’t not cry anymore.

I cried because Texas lawmakers want to charge women and providers with murder because “jail time for abortions would force women to be more personally responsible for their sexual behavior”.

I’m plenty responsible for * my own * sexual behavior!  Mkay?  Or shall I draw you a picture?

I cried because Oklahoma courts ruled oral sex is not rape if the woman is too intoxicated to consent, regardless of DNA evidence.

I raged because another Oklahoma law maker is trying to make it illegal for abortions to be performed on a “host” without the written informed consent of the fetus’ father.

Rick Santorum has argued that sexual assault victims should “accept this horribly created” pregnancy because it is “nevertheless a gift in a very broken way” and that, when it comes down to it, a victim just has “to make the best out of a bad situation.”  That post-rape pregnancies are God’s way of saying, ‘I understand your pain and I bless you with this child to comfort you in your life ahead.

Apparently that’s “a better and mentally healthier perspective than aborting the child”.

And this is just a sampling of the love muffin wars that have dominated our news feeds.

Can you guess what I did next?

I got angry

Global warming is a real problem but Tangerine Voldemort would rather trump the law, signing a “Muslim Ban” executive order.

I got angry because instead of worrying about air pollution, drinking water, and guns PEEOTUS is at war with VAGINAS.

The only garden the Orange Asshat is interested in saving is of the Lady variety.  And by ‘saving’ I mean controlling.

Enough?

Are we ready to say enough is enough? Have we not fought hard enough?

Checking your privilege

We have fought.  We have marched.  We’ve created change to allow everyone the civil rights they deserve.

As women we have fought for the right to vote, the right to be equals, the right to choose what happens to our bodies.  We persisted for the rights of all women, regardless of race or religion.

Same-sex marriages are now legally recognized and parents aren’t forced to adopt their own children.  Trans men & women can use whichever washroom they see fit without having to prove their gender to the pee-pee police.  * Edited to add: Actually, never mind.  I swear this article becomes more and more irrelevant by the day as new executive orders and repeals creep up.

We are here because we fought and I’ll be damned if I’ll sit back and watch democracy, decency, and humanity roll backwards.

I am a proud Franco-Ontarian.  French Canadians fought for the right to go to school in French or in English, for the right to be served in the official language of our choice.

When they tried to close the only French-teaching hospital west of Quebec we fought to not only save the hospital but also to protect minority rights for all Canadians.

Humanity must move forward

We * are * privileged, and we haven’t fought the good fight for this long to let people like Trumpelstiltskin come in and steal it from us.

Instead we must commit.

Commit to using this privilege to effect positive change.

Doesn’t everyone deserve to know this privilege?

This stops now, or Darth Hater will have more than just angry pussies to worry about.

Speak up.  Speak out.  Resist.

Do not conform and assimilate.  Do not ignore the silencing of those whose voices can’t be heard.

When history lessons will teach of the Big Cheeto 45th president and how he was taken down by Teen Vogue and GQ, how the revolution was led by park rangers and scientists…  When dissertations are written on this topic, how will you relive the past?

For all those times you’ve said “if I were alive when that happened I would have done…”  This is it.  This is your time, your chance.

It’s time to stand on the right side of history and fight for all we’ve fought for.

Get it together Humanity.

Context Travel in Montreal

Context Travel in Montreal

Montreal Tours for the Intellectually Curious Traveler

Context Travel Explore MontrealExplore Context Travel

For the love of history

I’m proud of my roots – both from my Native and French ancestors.  I feel very strongly about teaching our history to my kids and took the opportunity to go on a private tour with a docent from Context Travel in Montreal.

This wasn’t exactly throwing me into ‘cool mom’ territory but save for one whispered comment from Annabelle (“We get it, it’s a wall.  Is he gonna finish talking soon so we can keep going?” bhahahahhaha) the kids had a great time.

A few stops in shaded parks, an exploration of the local Starbucks for some cold drinks, and great discussions about history, French literature, and more.

If you love history, if you thrive on knowing the stories behind hidden gems, I recommend you book a tour with Context Travel.  Serving close to 40 cities world-wide there’s a great chance they’re in your next destination.

Private or group tours?

If you’re budget conscious or otherwise generally well-abled the group tours (maximum 6 people) are a great choice.

If you are traveling with special needs (wheelchair, stroller, etc), kids under 12, or you wish to make some modifications to the tour, I strongly suggest booking a private tour.

Being able to enjoy the full tour – e.g. if your child has to pee you’re not running to catch up with the group after – without missing anything or feeling like you need to be accommodated is a huge bonus.  I’ve traveled with my mom, who’s in a wheelchair.  I’ve traveled with kids.  I’ve traveled on my own and with friends.

By far my best experiences when traveling with my family were those where I took the seemingly indulgent options.  Ease of mind and minimal stress are priceless.  Do yourself a favor, and put yourself in a position to enjoy every magical moment of your vacation.

L’École des Hautes études commerciales

Le Vieux Montreal was known as the Latin district – generally, people in this area studied Latin.  This school, which knew some controversy, was the first to offer adult night classes in Canada.

Old Meets New

From Square Viger to classic row houses, l’École des Hautes études commerciales and Maison Jodoin to modern condos. Old and new marries to give you a glimpse of lifetimes long ago lived with the conveniences of contemporary urban living.

context travel in montreal
context travel in montreal maison jodoin
context travel in montreal
context travel in montreal

Our Docent was Amazing

As a single parent with 3 kids in different age groups, I thoroughly enjoyed the tour.

Daniel (Epstein) was fantastic at juggling the short attention span of the the younger kids while feeding the oldest with all the history she could absorb.

Notes from a 5th grader

I loved learning about how houses were built a certain way and why.  Daniel was a lot of fun too, definitely not boring.  The stories were neat, too.

Jasmine, 10 yrs old

context travel in montreal
context travel in montreal
context travel in montreal

Did You Know?

The Molson Brewery in Old Montreal is not only the oldest brewery in North-America, producing fine ales since 1786.  John Molson’s influence brought us the Montreal General Hospital, Canada’s first railway construction, and more.

context travel in montreal molson
context travel in montreal
context travel in montreal

“We still got to play”

I loved that the man was teaching us cool things, but I also loved that we got to stop in different parks to play while the adults talked.

Annabelle, 6 yrs old

context travel in montreal

What will you discover?

Where will your next adventure take you?  Take a leap and try #DeepTravel for an unforgettable experience.

Discover Context Travel in Montreal or one of the many cities they serve worldwide!

context travel in montreal

Traveling to Key West – What the Guide Books Don’t Tell You

Traveling to Key West – What the Guide Books Don’t Tell You

Traveling to Key West - What the Guide Books Don't Tell You

Writer’s Block: It’s A Bitch

That’s why I’ve been back from Key West for 4 months now and I still can’t write about it. It seems I found a piece of myself on that island, a piece that’s made it hard for me to put pen to paper. I’m finally able to share some of the more memorable moments of our trip and some insights on traveling to Key West that you won’t find in guide books.

Ann & I were in Florida for TBEX and decided to knock an item off our bucket list while we were there. Driving down hwy 1, crossing the 7 mile bridge, was like falling down a rabbit hole and finding a mysterious and wonderful secret world. Time… doesn’t exist on the island.  Except the scheduled departure for your sunset cruise. But don’t worry, even if you’re late by one minute you now have the excuse to eat at some fabulous restaurants.  Many have ‘happy hour’ specials when drinks and apps are ½ price.  Can you say… Yum?

Travel tip: If you love steak as much as I do and you either don’t like the high price tag or the huge portions order a steak salad or a flank steak appetizer. It’s served BESIDE the salad, not on it, and the portion is perfect.

Add a side of steam veggies or mashed potatoes and you’re eating like a king without mortgaging your kids.

When planning your trip to the keys remember – Location, Location, location.  ‘Waterfront’ or  ‘Ocean front’ is not synonymous with ‘close to the action’.

The island is bigger than it appears and if you’re not careful you’ll end up in the most gorgeous hotel by the ocean a quarter mile from Duval street…. Which is a surprising 15 minute cab ride downtown for this Canadian girl who screwed up the conversion.

The first thing you’ll want to do as you step out of the car is turn your face to the sun… soak up some therapeutic rays, breath in the smell of the salt in the air, and listen to the waves crashing against the shore.

That’s the sound of the island trying to seduce you.

Once you’re done feeling sorry for yourself ‘cause you can’t have this year round you should head to Duval St and Mallory Square where you can shop, dine, and stroll to your heart’s content.

Mallory square is a great place to find unique items, official Conch Republic souvenirs, and gorgeous jewelry.  On Duval st you’ll be able to find fashions of all kind… for all kinds of bodies.

Travel Tip: If you have any body issues whatsoever I strongly suggest you head south.  It seems the further south you go the smaller the clothes gets.

Our trip coincided with Fantasy Fest think… Mardi Gras on crack – and I can assure you bodies of all kinds were seen.  Never mind shilling out beads for a flash – Body paint is the fabric of choice during these festivities.  I’ve never seen so many Nekkid people at once before.

At the table next to us at the restaurant was a woman wearing nothing but a grass skirt and artful body paint.  Men were wearing what can only be described as leather nutsacks on a string and group theme costumes were all the rage.

Beyond the obvious though I saw a few things that can’t be unseen.  I’m remembering one fella with red glitter paint on his crotch and a peter pan color at his neck.  A very, very, old couple bared all except for the world’s largest spray painted bush and some body paint that had seen better days.

General rule of thumb?  Don’t look down, even if it’s high tide / full moon and you want to make sure the wet thing you just stepped in was water and not other bodily fluids mixed with booze.

Looking down means you have to look back up and that can only lead to blindness and night terrors.  Seriously – you couldn’t look up without coming face to face with a full frontal. I can assure you, the George clooney’s of the island clearly stayed home. 

We also experienced Zombie night.  I never in a million years imagined the words ‘If there weren’t so many zombies around I wouldn’t feel as safe’ would escape my mouth.

I also never imagined myself being greeted by 10 thousand zombies and 2 police officers 400 metres from the airport entrance.  Needless to say I called budget and told them the zombie apocalypse was right outside their door and we would be late returning our rental car.

My favorite activity during our trip? The Sebago Power Adventure Tour.

We were brought out to the coral reef to snorkel – and me with my glasses – and no contacts – I chose to dive in blind for fear of my glasses ending up in the ocean.  I have no idea what the reef looks like, I couldn’t see jack-sqwat.

I was hell bent on parasailing though so I maguyvered some holders to make sure I got the best view from the top.  Soon everyone was making holders with yellow duct tape.  The captain said it best – it takes a Canadian to come up with the best ideas. 

 

I’m afraid of heights but when that parachute lets go and the rope unravels all you feel is freedom.  It’s like floating through the air on a cloud.  I was so comfortable I would have stayed up there all day if I could. That piece of me I found was up there above the water and I could only bring back the memory of it.

I’ve decided that I now must go parasailing in every coastal city I visit, if only to revisit that part of my soul that refuses to touch ground.

None of the locals are locals, and as Ms Beth (one of our Sebago captains and all around awesome woman) would say people just fall in love and come back because they can’t imagine living anywhere else.  I can believe it!

They weren’t kidding when they said it was the best sunset in the world.

Every night crowds gather at the pier for the sunset celebration. Mermaids playing the yukelele, sword swallowers telling tall tales and fresh-made-right-in-front of you guacamole are just a few of the highlights well after the sun bids farewell.

Key West is truly a magical place and I can’t wait to go back!  I hope you’ve enjoyed the video (missed it?  At top of page 😉) and the pictures.

Now that you’ve learned a few new things about traveling to Key West that the guide books won’t tell you go ahead and start planning your dream adventure.  You deserve it!

The F Word – My thoughts on feminism

The F Word – My thoughts on feminism

#thefword video contest banner

#TheFWord - Feminism

Feminism, equity, and the intersection of perspective and reality

I’ve had writer’s block since I came back from Key West in October, but I’m working on a great video to show you my trip highlights.

Meanwhile, SheKnows Media along with the Ms Foundation put out a call for submission for their #TheFWord contest.  The winner gets $4000 CASH (USD!!! lol) and a trip to NYC valued at $1000. 

It appears  I had some thoughts on feminism and have been working tirelessly to create a masterpiece worthy of your time.

In order to create this video, I studied, acquired, and mastered several skills and new software.

I’ve learned whiteboard animation, I’ve successfully created several projects with Adobe After Effects, I improved my Premiere Pro skills, dug deep for creative wisdom and reached out to my community when I needed volunteers. 

The 18 year old me would have said I feel ‘all full of madz skillz’ right now.  And I do.

This project has left me emotionally drained so I’ll just put the video here for you to watch 🙂

Feel free to share it on YouTube and don’t forget public voting starts on March 21st.

Judges: Use the link below the embedded video to download an HD version of my submission.

For my daughters… may you always stay true to yourselves xox

Judges, Click Here to Download the HD Video

Start Now

Angelina Jolie, The Chosen One, and Adventures in the Loo

Angelina Jolie, The Chosen One, and Adventures in the Loo

Angelina Jolie, The Chosen One, and Adventures in the Loo

I’ve adopted so many bathroom stalls in my lifetime I’m like the Angelina Jolie of public restrooms.  I’m sure I can manage to look hot and wholesome in one fell swoop, and apart from the height difference we’re practically twins right? ….right? So maybe I have a bit more cellulite than she does, and maybe the boobage isn’t quite so perky.

BUT!  She has big lips… I have big lips.  She has luscious long locks… I have frizzy, curly, brown ones that I can totally rock out if I tried.  She’s been known to carry her ex’s blood around her neck and I’m – well – I’ve always been just a little bit weird.  Somehow we both managed to get laid and even landed husbands!  So we’re totally twins… but I digress.

Selection Selection 

Going into a new restroom is like speed-dating for toilets, creating a list of maybes, possiblys, hell-nos, and a few good ones. The Chosen One will be clean, well-stocked, preferably near the back end of the restroom, and bonus points if the handicap stall fits the bill (if only for the extra breathing room). Sinks get the same once-over.

Public restrooms = speed-dating for toilets: maybes, possiblys, hell-nos, and a few good ones Click To Tweet

And just like that, I’ve added another notch on the restroom belt.

Booty Call?

pink-hair-tattoo-woman-sitting-on-toiletEvery school, every restaurant, every hotel – heck even the darn Walmart has a nature call favorite; a ‘one-minute-stand’ if you will.  Like a drunk-dialed booty call I gravitate to the same stall every.  single.  time I use this restroom.  If said stall is occupied I end up leaving with naught but a modicum of dignity, having called on a sub-par ‘C-List’ stall. 

The restroom by the high school cafeteria was 1st stall; in the history hallway … 3rd one in.  The mall – last one at the end; same for train station and Walmart.  Middle stall at Lonestar.  Casino – 2nd on the right or last on the left. This last conference?  3rd from the end.  I could go on but it might get a little personal – so I’ll spare you.  You’re welcome.

Mono-Mono?

She collects babies like they’re the newest WebKinz;  I collect porcelain bassins not unlike a gaggle of drunk sorority sisters.  A map depicting her humanitarian efforts would make a great ‘Where In The World is Carmen San Diego’  episode, while searching for blackheads on the landscape of my enlarged pores is like a Where’s Waldo gone bad.

See?  Practically twins.  We may as well have been born holding hands.