Parenting, Wifing, Living

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Sex Tape The Movie VS The Real Thing

Posted on Jul 14, 2014 | 8 comments

**** DISCLOSURE ***** This post contains adult content and is not intended for all viewing audiences INCLUDING my mother, my sister, my mother-in-law, my husband, or anyone else remotely connected to us by blood.  Kids, if you find this in 15 years, move on please – move on!

What’s the worst that could happen? 

A little bit of this, a little bit of that, all in efforts to rekindle that seemingly long-lost spark.

Let me be the first (if not the last) to tell you that married sex is different than dating sex – even if you were in a committed long term relationship before you got married. 

When you’re dating, ‘date night’ is a night off.  You take your time getting ready, shaving your legs, listening to your favorite music, maybe have a glass of wine.  By the time the bedroom tango comes along you already came at the door, in the stairs, and on the floor beside the bed. 

Married sex?

It’s different, but you don’t really notice it as much until you have kids.  Experience tells me there’s an 18 month lull - or dry spell, if you will – after each pregnancy.  You just don’t feel it!  At all. Screaming kids, poopy shit-fests, mountains of laundry and that good’ole glow, a remnant of sweat accumulated since your last shower four days ago!

We all do it: mercy sex.  You know, the ”Fine, cause if we don’t tonight you’ll pout for a week” kind of mercy sex?  That.  Sometimes you’re in the mood, but its never at the same time as your partner’s mood.  Not to say you don’t enjoy it…. but you do need a lot of convincing!

I can understand the drive to try just about anything to get that spark back but it doesn’t always work out as planned, does it?  (continued)

We don’t have ‘The Cloud’ as they do in  Sex Tape The Moviebut we do have cats.

The new cat has a sex radar.  If we don’t close the door she’s right up in there, trying to get in between our legs.  She once cleaned our sheets while we were looking for a towel, and God forbid you take out the vibrator!  She’ll sing (purr?) in tune with it while pawing away at your leg.

Sex tape?  BAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAAHA!  It would likely end up looking like this:

So grab your main squeeze and head out to watch Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel battle The Cloud in Sex Tape The Movie, in theatre everywhere July 18th!  I’m sure it will be more entertaining than my cat, and perhaps provide fodder for the imagination ;)

Even if it doesn’t get you laid you’ll at least have had shower and a few laughs :P

Though I was compensated for this post all cat interruptions, 4-day-old-mom-stink, and thoughts are my own. 

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1st Impressions and my 2 Minute Miracle Face

Posted on Jul 10, 2014 | 54 comments

*** Scroll down for tutorial ***

It’s my favorite time of year:  BlogHer time.  I’m leaving soon to spend a few days with 2500 crazy over-sharers bloggers.  ‘Peanut-Butter-Jelly-Time, Tada-tada tada-ta!’ 

Think 3-4 days with little sleep, much fun, copious amounts of caffeine – and ok… *maybe* some alcohol – and running around trying to get out of the door on time cause we’ve gotten out of the habit of prettying ourselves up before the crack of dawn.

“Angele, wake up!”

Doesn’t fail.  I like to sleep and though I set 3 different alarms – much to my roommates’ dismay - its Go Time and I’m still in bed.

“You won’t have time to get ready” yells someone from the washroomanother chimes in with ”uh-ha-hiiii-hi-hus”If you don’t speak toothpaste-in-mouth-ism that’s code for You Have Fiiive Minutes.

“I’m up!  I’m up, I’m up, I’m up!”

My hair is standing on ends, my mouth feels gross and my face looks like death.  I’m ready y’all!  Kidding.  Sort of.  I still need to throw on a bra.

And make myself look human.  “From dead to alive in 2 minutes, Ann, I promise!”

Moisturizer, a brightener concealer pen, some Mistura 6-in1 Beauty Solution, and mascara.  That’s it.  That’s all.  Boom.  Miracle Face.

Except I discovered a new secret while browsing the cosmetics section at the superstore.  Garnier 5 second blur Skin Renew.

Tried it, loved it, brought it home to play with and adore (as I go on singing the hippopotamus song).

Loved it so much I tried to blot it on some pictures thinking it would be easier than Photoshop.  I didn’t really.  You know that right?  Right?  Come on, I’m not THAT dense! :)

So here’s the thing:  I found a shit-ton of bad reviews saying it didn’t blur crap.  People!  YES, its a super cream, but it also has LIGHT REFLECTORS.  The ‘blurring’ happens when exposed to light – your face looks airbrushed, and the effect changes slightly based on lighting.

The 5 second blur in action!

5 min blur before and after

Before I put it on: red splotchy skin, dark spots, and more than a few ‘laugh lines’.

After?  Gone!  Look at the 3 different light sources – when the light hits my forehead it looks airbrushed!  In the middle image, you can barely tell there are freckles there!   Love it.  For the record, I’m not wearing any makeup in these before and after shots.  Just my own mug with some moisturizer and the 5 second blur. 

The 2 Minute Miracle Face

Want your own miracle face?  Need to make a great 1st impression early in the morning?  Doesn’t fail, you WILL look gorgeous.  Add some champagne cream eye shadow (Lise Watier has a nice one), a touch of liner in the lash line and an extra coat of mascara to switch from day to night.  You’re welcome ;)

Garnier's 5-sec blur, Caryl Baker Visage Mineral Brights Concealer Pen, Mistura mascara, and lip gloss were used to achieve this look.

Garnier’s 5-sec blur, Caryl Baker Visage Mineral Brights Concealer Pen, Mistura mascara, and lip gloss were used to achieve this look.

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Mastermind Toys Opens a 3rd location in Ottawa – Barrhaven!

Posted on Jul 3, 2014 | 3 comments

#haveyouheard

Mastermind Toys is now open in Barrhaven and they’re having a party!

Join the team for The Grand Opening of Ottawa’s 3rd store from July 10th – 13th, 2014.  A party wouldn’t be complete without loot bags for kids, special offers and of course giveaways.  If you happen to be there on Saturday, there may or may not be cupcakes ;)   #earlybirdgetstheworm

mastermind toys barrhaven now open

71 Market Place in the Chapmen Mills Marketplace

I love this store!  From the first time I walked in last year and every visit since, they are the best.  In a hurry?  No problem.   Need to find a gift for the pickiest kid?  No problemGiftwrapping?  Right this way please!   The complimentary gift wrapping team will be there all weekend!

Our Generation Dolls

Love ‘American Girl’ dolls?  Hate the hefty price tag?  Fear not ;)  Our Generation Dolls have arrived in Ottawa and they  do.  not.  disappoint.  Outfits, accessories, chapter books…. When the Mastermind Toys team sent me one to review I quickly hid it away for Thing 1′s birthday – she’s turning 8 this week!

FLASH GIVEAWAY FOR OTTAWA READERS!

In honor of  The Grand Opening of Ottawa’s 3rd store, Mastermind Toys is giving a $50 gift card to one (1) lucky reader!

Enter your information below and be instantly entered to win!  #whoot

Winner will be drawn on July 9th and prize will be available for pickup in the Ottawa location of your choice.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Whatcha waiting for?

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